4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
