at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
