Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
