we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
