I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
