Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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