the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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