btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
