I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
