They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's like iHOP with fire
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
