dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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