last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
