My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
