Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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