Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
