how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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