I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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