The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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