I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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