If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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