just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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