im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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