my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
