maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
