I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
