She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
