Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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