I just cut my nipple shaving
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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