I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
