he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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