WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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