1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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