This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I AM VODKA MAN
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
