you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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