Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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