He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So much rum. So many feels.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
