Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
