im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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