Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
