I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
