i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You're like the curious george of whores
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
