i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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