last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
