Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
