I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
