So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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