Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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