you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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