Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
