Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
