It's Friday. Sex?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
