Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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