You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
