SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
