that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
