she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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